Letter to Mother — If I Die Before I Wake

To my mother I would write:
I never understood why you were so cruel ~ or why you ruled with an iron fist
Why you beat me till black and blue ~ for something as simple as not tying my shoe
Why you were always enraged ~ why you never engaged with my life
Why did I get the worst of the abuse ~ when I was the best behaved and did as you told me to?
Why did you fight to win custody back ~ when you knew you lacked maternal instincts?
Your torment instilled in me ~ fear, depression, insecurities, and anxiety
This is the reason my judgment was flawed ~ Mother, you should be appalled
Even though it was horrific living through this ~ I love you and always wished for your pain to be healed
Even though my body will be gone ~ even though you may mourn
My heart is no longer scorned ~ I thank you for being born
My life resulted in the lives of more ~ lives that I love and adore
This is the greatest gift you have given me ~ I don’t want or ask for more
I’m FREE…

Lay

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